Stuff
Home Archive Random Mobile RSS Feed
My name is Portia. I am 20. I mostly post funny crap my friends and I say. Enjoy.
Hellfire
Portia: When are you going back to NY?
Carlos Aparicio: friday 4 pm
Portia: I expect a text on Friday at 4:01 pm
Portia: On the dot
Carlos Aparicio: thats when i land stop omg
Carlos Aparicio: give me at least until 5 ~*~*~
Portia: 4:59 and thats as late as I'll go.
Carlos Aparicio: okay
Carlos Aparicio: what if i forget to text you will you be so mad at me
Portia: I'll probably just disown you, no big deal
Portia: And then forget about it in an hour
Portia: BUT IN THE HOUR BEFORE I FORGET ABOUT IT, HELLFIRE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF HADES ITSELF SHALL RAIN UPON YOUR SOUL IN 60 MINUTES OF PURE UNIMAGINABLE AGONIZING FEAR
Portia: Love you~~ <3
The more you know.
Portia: I'm reading my magazine
Portia: I'm learning SCIENCE
Portia: While I wait for your ass.
Alan: good
Alan: learn something
Portia: DID YOU KNOW
Portia: Ducks have the largest penises of any land mammal
Portia: In proportion to their bodies
Portia: Cause I sure didn't
Portia: But I do now.
Portia: There's a picture and everything
Alan: >.>
Portia: Yeah.
Portia: Also they're shaped like corkscrews.
Portia: The more you know (*)
Portia: ARE YOU DONE YET.
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." - Excerpt from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann  (via monstrueux)

(Source: arcreacting, via tuneafish)
We were discussing a "Creative School Lunches" recipe page.
Charlotte - says:
wtf is this deli rollups one
CREAM CHEESE, HAM AND CUCUMBER INSIDE LETTUCE
WOW, MY MOTHER SURE DOES LOVE ME
Charlotte - says:
LETTUCE IS NOT A DELICIOUS FOOD
LETTUCE IS A SALAD BASE
Portia says:
LETTUCE IS A FUCKING LEAF
THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
Charlotte - says:
LETTUCE IS
"THIS SALAD DOESN'T LOOK SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH"
Portia says:
"It's all the goodness of a sandwich, minus the bread!"
Thats a nice way of saying "Its all the goodness of a sandwich, minus what makes a sandwich good!"
When was the last time you fixed yourself a sandwich and begrudgingly put some bread on it
"Ugh, if I have to"
"If only there were a flavorless leaf I could wrap this in, instead"
Charlotte - says:
"I wonder if I can just eat it with a spoon"
Portia says:
Bread is such an inconvenience

The best.

"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics. You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded. Because the elements, the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars. And the only way they could get into your body is if the stars were kind enough to explode. So forget Jesus. The stars died so you could be here today." - Lawrence Krauss (via allhailtheinfidel) (via ageofreason, neightkelly)
OH THE HILARITY
Carlos Aparicio: so I have this really funny joke
Portia: Well tell it
Carlos Aparicio: I'm waking up in 4 hours to go to the gym
Carlos Aparicio: HHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH
Candy
Charlotte - says:
Like the one time this girl at my school
Had licorice
Portia says:
Oh god licorice
Charlotte - says:
And failed to mention it was DISGUSTING MEGA-SALTY LICORICE
I don't even like normal licorice
Portia says:
Its like chewing on satan's cock
Read: Terrible
Charlotte - says:
And then it's CAKED IN-
LOL
LIKE CHEWING SATAN'S COCK
omg it is
Actually you know what I don't like that would also remind me of that
Twizzlers
Portia says:
I love how "Chewing on satan's cock" reminded you of twizzlers
Charlotte - says:
I don't like strawberry
Shhhh
Just wow.
Alan: That's a pic of my sister
Alan: wait
Alan: no that's me
Portia: Did you
Portia: Did you just mistake yourself for your sister
Alan: yes
Portia: Wow, Alan
Powered by Tumblr. Theme by Reeckerz
1 / 5