[1/24/2013 9: 35:14 PM] Portia: omg I keep trying to use this hand sanitizer on my nightstand

[1/24/2013 9: 35:22 PM] Portia: and it keeps missing my hand and like jizzing on my sheets

[1/24/2013 9: 35:32 PM] Carlos Aparicio: LOL

[1/24/2013 9: 35:34 PM] Carlos Aparicio: story of my life

Portia: When are you going back to NY?

Carlos Aparicio: friday 4 pm

Portia: I expect a text on Friday at 4:01 pm

Portia: On the dot

Carlos Aparicio: thats when i land stop omg

Carlos Aparicio: give me at least until 5 ~*~*~

Portia: 4:59 and thats as late as I'll go.

Carlos Aparicio: okay

Carlos Aparicio: what if i forget to text you will you be so mad at me

Portia: I'll probably just disown you, no big deal

Portia: And then forget about it in an hour

Portia: BUT IN THE HOUR BEFORE I FORGET ABOUT IT, HELLFIRE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF HADES ITSELF SHALL RAIN UPON YOUR SOUL IN 60 MINUTES OF PURE UNIMAGINABLE AGONIZING FEAR

Portia: Love you~~ <3

Carlos Aparicio: so I have this really funny joke

Portia: Well tell it

Carlos Aparicio: I'm waking up in 4 hours to go to the gym

Carlos Aparicio: HHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH

Charlotte - says:

wtf is this deli rollups one

CREAM CHEESE, HAM AND CUCUMBER INSIDE LETTUCE

WOW, MY MOTHER SURE DOES LOVE ME

Charlotte - says:

LETTUCE IS NOT A DELICIOUS FOOD

LETTUCE IS A SALAD BASE

Portia says:

LETTUCE IS A FUCKING LEAF

THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Charlotte - says:

LETTUCE IS

"THIS SALAD DOESN'T LOOK SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH"

Portia says:

"It's all the goodness of a sandwich, minus the bread!"

Thats a nice way of saying "Its all the goodness of a sandwich, minus what makes a sandwich good!"

When was the last time you fixed yourself a sandwich and begrudgingly put some bread on it

"Ugh, if I have to"

"If only there were a flavorless leaf I could wrap this in, instead"

Charlotte - says:

"I wonder if I can just eat it with a spoon"

Portia says:

Bread is such an inconvenience

Carlos Aparicio: LOL

Carlos Aparicio: my sister just passed out drunk in front of me

Carlos Aparicio: how are you?

Portia: You know what you should do?

Portia: Draw dicks on her face.

Portia: I'm just saying.

Carlos Aparicio: draw a dick on her forehead?

Portia: LOL

Carlos Aparicio: YES